Confidence. – Skirtingroundmylife

The Day The Clyde Turned Pink

In this poem which I wrote for International day against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia, I recall the events of Pride 2008 which was the first time I had attended it in my home city of Glasgow and explain why it was a very significant event on my journey to self acceptance. I’ve titled it The Day The Clyde Turned Pink I hope you enjoy the read

The Day The Clyde Turned Pink

Pride 2008
my first in my home city
dolled up to the nines
my flatmate walked with me
as the parade made its way
through Glasgow city centre
to the square

once there I mingled with friends
and a future first minister said
she liked my dress
when we spoke after her speech
this was a day when Glasgow reached out to our community
as the young and young at heart
waved to onlookers as cheering crowds took selfies
and Hazel Dean was the star attraction
belting out the classics
we sang at Karaoke
and danced to in the clubs and bars

this was a show in which we were the stars
who all had a part to play
in the unfolding drama of the day
and of course the adventures of the night
this was the first time my Glasgow had really felt right
I was walking the streets with pride
on the day the Clyde turned pink
to match the colour of my dress
and I said yes to accepting myself

Sexism In The City

This poem came out of a conversation on feminism with the traditional musican Siobhan Wilson. During our chat I shared a story from my past to show that even as a transwoman I had experienced sexism. Well that story has now turned into a poem and at the suggestion of my friend Stacey McFarlane I’ve titled it Sexism In The City. I hope you enjoy the read.

Sexism In The City

It was the winter of 98
I had one foot out the closet door
just a few weeks before that night
I in my pre transitioned state
was refused entry
to a city centre nightclub
but this time things would be different
it was the run up to Christmas
and one of my pals
invited me out on a girls night
naturally I said yes
and all dolled up in a long bob
red sparkly dress , glossy tights, and knee length boots
I knew how good I looked
and how confident I felt
it was like butter wouldn’t melt
well what the hell it was the season to be jolly and glam
as I danced in the club to I am what I am
and I am woman hear me roar
I reflected how easily I walked through the door
as I passed the same guy
who a few weeks earlier had refused me admission
I began to see the world
in a very different light
and understand why
to some guys especially caveman types
the dress code actually matters
as would be patter merchants
leared at the length of our dresses
and I got my first taste
of sexism in the city.

Good Girl Pants

In this poem I relate a story from my personal history which led to me seeing myself in a very different way than I had previously thought possible. As a bisexual transwoman I had in recent years become increasingly aware of my attraction to both sexes but I think I was still reluctant to embrace the more Sapphic side of my personality. That said however, this incident in which a women challenged me to consider the fact that I may enjoy a lesbian relationship and find it more emotionally and sexually rewarding than a heterosexual one went a long way to changing that perception and made me a more assertive and confident woman who is now more open to that kind of relationship than I would ever have believed I could be The fact that I am now open to love in whatever form it comes can only be a good thing for my emotional and spiritual health and that will have a positive impact on all areas of my life. I’ve given it the title Good Girl Pants I hope you enjoy the read.

Good Girl Pants

It was early evening
I think we were the only two in the bar
it’s always quiet at that time
we knew each other by sight
we got chatting about everyday stuff
the fluff of conversation
then like a bolt from the blue
she asks me if I had ever considered
a lesbian relationship
I blushed like a schoolgirl
for a moment I was 16
again
said I hadn’t given it much thought
she smiled and suggested I should
but I was wearing my good girl pants
scared to take a chance
in case I liked it
this was an invite to temptation
she says she knows
what I could and couldn’t do
but that a woman could always find her way
round such challenges
well you’re never too old to explore your sexuality she teased
I licked my lips at the idea
she had opened my eyes to a new way of loving
where I would discover myself
and take the chance to dance
and be a different kind of women
to the one who always crossed her legs
and wore her good girl pants

Better Than Chocolate

This poem is not for the narrow minded and it refers to sex and in particular adult toys. If this content offends you please do not read it. For those of you who do wish to read it I have given it the title Better Than Chocolate I hope you enjoy the read.

Better Than Chocolate

It never steals your chocolate
or demands a drunken kiss
and see when you try on that new little black dress
look in the mirror and ask does my bum look big in this
it doesn’t laugh or even worse
say yes it actually does
and the buzz it gives you
can be switched on and off at your leisure
it gives the idea of pleasuring yourself
a whole new meaning
trust me nobody can beat the feeling you get
and there are no drunken fumbles
or outstretched hands
crawling over you or wanting to go to places
you wish to remain private
and trust me transwomen can and do use vibrators
yes I know that blows the stereotype to kingdom come
but sometimes when a girl wants some fun
she doesn’t need a man to provide it
not many men can get me as excited as my bullet
and I can adjust it
to suit my needs and desires
as I sit in my fishnets in front of the fire
I don’t need to worry about sharing
with someone who never stops complaining
about not getting what he wants
in the bedroom department
there are times I think men are better left to themselves
I have something I can take from the shelves
which performs much better than most
and doesn’t give up the ghost after two or three minutes
yes I know it has limits but at least I’m in command as to what happens
If I’m having a moment to myself
I think it’s good for my mental health
see this smile I don’t need to fake it
and the great thing is it can last all night
If that’s what I really need to happen it only stops when the batteries need replaced
or I decide to put it back in its box
it doesn’t talk back or make last minute pleas
it doesn’t boast about how it will make your knees tremble
then fail to rise to the task
nor does it ask you to rate its performance
and that’s why if I’m totally honest
I must conclude when it comes to the feel good factor
vibrators are better than men or even chocolate

Dancing Round The Edges

In this poem on taboos I examine why transgender issues are at least to some people the last acceptable prejudice and a taboo subject for the self righteous and the socially and culturally uptight. I’ve given it the title Dancing Round The Edges, I hope you enjoy the read.

Dancing Round The Edges

It’s the fear of being outed
before your ready to tell the world
you’re one of the girls
that leaves you with a line of emotional scares
which if it were rail track
would stretch from Caithness to Cornwall and back again
covering every inch of ground
it’s having to dance around the edges of a society too scared to cope
with your perceived difference
its getting pigeonholed in blue or pink boxes
forced to conform rather than getting the chance to grow and to be who you are
it’s worrying about overstepping
and telling that guy
who laughed when he said
he could imagine you in a dress
that you have a wardrobe full of them
and that he can see you in any one he likes
it’s like fighting yourself in a war you’ll never win
until you admit you’ve lost
the human cost of hiding yourself not worth the risks you have to take
to preserve a fake life you can’t keep up forever
the healing only begins when you realise this
and dare to be authentically you
it’s about being true to yourself
and even asking the guy who mocked you on a date
knowing he really does like you
and when he sees the woman you are
he will take a chance on that dance
then seal the deal with a kiss
at the end of the night
it’s about claiming the right to walk down any streets you like
and say this is me take it or leave it
but I’m not turning back
the rail track which messed up my mind has now been cleared
fear no longer places me
in the darkness set by others
I have recovered and I’ve done it
by being myself
I am no longer content to be dancing round the edges
I want to change society for the better
for those that the world rejects
and those who reject themselves
under the shadows of night

Self Acceptance (Reblogged From Blogs All Beautyy)

I’m reblogging this post from the brilliant Jasmine Lawrie at blogsallbeautyy as I believe that it has a very powerful message for all women of all ages and identities. It’s titled Self Acceptance and that really resonates with me for reasons I think you’ll understand. This is powerful passionate thought provoking writing from a young woman who has always been in my corner when required. I hope you’ll give it a read

https://blogsallbeautyy.blogspot.com/2019/01/self-acceptance.html?m=1

On Halloween Language Was Dressed As A Caveman And Sometimes There Are No Words

Say what you will about me I honestly couldn’t care less but one thing you can’t say is that the life of a transwoman is ordinary or in any way dull. In coming up for 10 years of living as woman I have plenty of examples of this but last night has to be one of the most bizzare.

It had been a reasonably quiet day and that was the way I was expecting it to continue as I made my way to my local Morrison’s at around five o’clock to purchase some much needed groceries.

On my five minute journey it is safe to say I exchanged a few plesentries with neighbours and carried on my way when suddenly a random male said something to me which was so incomprehensible I didn’t know if he was insulting me or paying me a compliment. In truth I could only make out the last word of his sentence which was burd.

Though confident enough to ignore the stranger’s mumblings I have to admit I was alarm by his language skills or should I say the lack of them. I mean this was neanderthal at best and if someone is going to say something to say I would prefer it if I knew what they were actually saying. I make this point only because I would want to thank them for their kind words or offer the kind of intellectual riposte which they would have to go to someone in authority to have it translated for them.

On reaching my destination I mused as I bought my weekly shop that it was ironic that on Halloween language was dressed as a caveman and sometimes there are no words.

Till next time

Gayle X

Plan B

This poem shows that when it comes to dealing with adversity caused by unforeseen circumstances women know how to make intelligent adaptations which are both creative and practical as it relates the true story of a recent event where even though things didn’t go to plan they still managed to turn out alright on the night with a better result than I could ever have expected. Well as every girl knows it’s always better to have a back up plan just in case original falls through. I’ve given it the title Plan B I hope you enjoy the read

Plan B

I knew it was going to be

one of those nights

when the phone played up

and I had forgot to bring copies of my poems

this was unusual for me

especially at an open mic

luckily it was an LGBT ladies night

and with that being the case

I decided to take a chance

and perform some trans related comedy

as I looked at equality from a different perspective

you could say I was selective in the information I shared

but there are times and places

where safe spaces allow you to say what you must

I made jokes about my backside and bust

and was comfortable doing it

in a way I may not have been

in front of the boys

a woman needs a chance to raise her voice

in humour and in anger

I poked fun at both Donald Trump

and would be local chancers

who said they want to get in to my pants

I reminded them Halloween is just one day

and they would need to go on a diet

I ranted on the impact of hormones running riot

and how hair disapeered from my legs without me needing to wax or shave

I told the world I’m not brave I’m just me

I learned early that women need to be resourceful

on stage or off

and if something goes slightly awry

we can always rely on Plan B

to put it right and save the night as we do it

no matter the crisis we get through it

like our mothers and foremothers before us

we manage to cope without fuss

when your a woman of a certain age

staying alive is more than just a song

it’s the anthem for a generation of us

who knew what I will survive really meant

and being content was not our way

when we had something to say

we said it loudly proudly and with passion

without Plan B prince or princess charming

would be found only in our dreams

when your a girl from the schemes

you learn early the value of resourcefulness

and intelligent adaptations come not as second nature

but as first.

A River Island All Purpose Dress Is Perfect For Every Occasion

As some of you may know I am friends with the best stylist and fashion adviser in the world. Yes I know I might be biased but to me there is no-one who can come close to Stacey McFarlane in terms of knowing what I like or what she thinks might suit me.

As a transwoman I think it’s essential to have a stylist who understands you and what your concerns might be in terms of age, length size , colours, details, etc and if you are lucky you get someone who ends up knowing you almost as well as you know yourself .

This is certainly true with Stacey who over the years I’ve known her has become not only my stylist but also my friend and confident and has sorted me out for every kind of outfit from glamour to winter wear from casual to classic. So with important events to attend last weekend I thought it was time to spend the money on my River Island gift card and that Stacey was just the star to help me do it. Well

Naturally with me being me aka missy queen of sales I was in the mood for a bargain and I selected this little black dress which used up all of the £15.00 availble funding.

The fact it was the only one in my size the store had left was another unexpected bonus and even though I never tried it on in the shop which is something I usually always do Stacey convinced me that it would be a perfect fit and as usual she was right.

What I like about this dress is that it can be worn on any occasion. This is something Stacey or the golden girl as her colleges jokingly refer to her always stresses the importance of especially when like myself you are living on a budget. She is of course right and the fact I can wear it when clubbing, yes I do still do clubbing occasionally, dining out, or attending important poetry events means this is money well spent. As you can see from the photograph I wore my new dress to Matt MacDonald’s book launch on Saturday and I love that it’s both fashionable and practical in this picture I look like I may be taking the title of the Westlife song Flying Without Wings a bit too literally.

The dress is also available in Grey but I think black works much better for me and has much more of a slimming effect on my body and let’s be honest anything that does that for me has to be good for both my shape and my confidence.

Finally I have to say I really love the length of this dress. As an (ahem) mature, late fifty something whose best feature is undoubtedly my legs I love that this dress is short enough to show them at their best but long enough to cover my modesty. Well A woman of a certain age and especially a transwoman of a certain age wants to look fashionable but classy and this dress helps to achieve this. Trust me girls this is an all purpose dress if ever I saw one and to paraphrase the words of a Rod Stewart song I hope I’m wearing it well.

Till next time

Gayle X

Midnight Rainbows

In this poem I look back on a memory which I am proud to share during this LGBT history month. This particular event takes me back to the a night at the end of the 1990’s when in spite of being closeted myself, I helped a younger friend to come out by taking her to the old LGBT centre in Dixon Street for her first night on the scene. I’ve given it the title Midnight Rainbows I hope you enjoy the read.

Midnight Rainbows

It was nearing the 20th century’s end when a friend from university confided that she might be gay

in her late teens she didn’t know the scene

but was one of the few who knew

what at that time was my secret

promising to keep it

I agreed to be her chaperone

to a club I knew well

a place where she could be herself

and for the first time meet the real me

it was a dark December night that Friday

the last before Christmas

I was wearing a wine velvet dress

attempting to impress in a way only a woman would know

she said she had never seen me

smile like that before

I thought the same when it came to her

the shy girl had finally come out to play

free to be herself on a night she saw acceptance

realised her new normality and mine

we had walked straight lines till then

conforming to fit in other people’s shoes

but as Christmas stories were being spread across the world

two girls wanted fun and decided

the news would not come from Bethlehem

but from ripples made on the Clyde

when we both crossed the river

to settle in different parts of a new community

with midnight rainbows as streetlamps to guide us to our futures