Relationships – Skirtingroundmylife

Honey And Lemon

I wrote this poem especially to celebrate lesbian visibility day. I titled Honey And Lemon and it may explain at least to some extent why I’ve always taken the cautious approach to my sexuality and why tan tights and twin sets might actually work for me.

Honey And Lemon

Purple was the colour
of the dress I wore
that night
the night I walked on eggshells
and danced on frosty pavements.
In my head, I heard my mother’s voice echo
carving my thoughts
like dad carved the Sunday roast
as you tempted me to explore the ways of sapphic desires
I was scared to move in
for the kiss I knew I wanted
haunted by shadows of shame
I blamed myself for daring to believe
you would want a woman like me
now I realise it was fear
that stopped me dancing.
I have long since moved on
from walking on eggshells
on cold night autumn nights
I have ceased fighting with myself
though I’m no longer able to fit in to that dress
I just want to tell you
if you still want to dance with me
purple is colour of the lingerie
I’ll be wearing when you move in for the kiss
and I enjoy it the way a woman does
tasting both the honey and the lemon
as the bees fly around the flowers of our dreams

Lady In Waiting

I wrote this poem for Lesbian Visibility Week and I’ve titled it Lady In Waiting. I hope you enjoy the read

Lady In Waiting

She was always the one
to step up and do her duty
without complaint
showing commendable
restraint
as she dreamed of ladies days at Ascot and Wimbledon
respectable was her way for all occasions
as a lady in waiting
no-one would have ever have guessed
the secret she kept
locked beneath her dress

society was much stricter then
there were no pride marches or rainbow flags in her day
it just wasn’t the way of the world
but of course times change
now women love women
and girls love girls
just as nature intended
if that is the road mapped out for their desires

having reached the autumn of her years
she takes comfort in the fact
no-one saw the tears
which led to summer floods
and caused so much pain
she wears bold colours
and statement tights
they shout loud and proud
such things would never have been allowed
in her youth
she was born in a body which felt like a cage

Now she claims her stage
though it’s taken her longer to dance
as the woman she is
than it did for others
later than she would have liked
she has discovered herself
her emotional health is better than ever
she realises her truth
and it’s better late than never
she won’t be wished away
no matter the opinions of others
especially those who shout at the moon

Now she sings freely
the songs she wants to sing
she will respect herself in the morning
and without warning
kiss her girlfriend
whilst waiting for a bus
or at a picnic in the park with only two invitations
she is happy now
accepting no limitations she is proud of who she is and always has been
she needs no seal of approval nor even consent
she is content to enjoy the taste of lipstick
as she and her lover share a tender moment

this is her time to be herself
to make the memories denied in her earlier years
now smiles replace the tears
the lady in waiting who watched songs of praise
says a prayer and steps up to do her duty
singing hymns of thanks to Sappho
she breaks bread with the girls
and prepares to sip the wine.

Daughters Of Sappho

Recently I attended the first in a series of three LGBT creative workshops and this is the poem that came out of it . I’ve titled it Daughters Of Sappho. I hope you enjoy the read

Daughters Of Sappho

Still waters look deceptively quiet
under the midnight stars
the moon sees secrets
disguised under covers of dark two men glance
using glares as their shields of safety
and women kiss discreetly
before passion calls to nature
telling them it’s safe to embrace
we will all be conditioned
by behaviour learned at school
we girls stick to the rules
for fear of being caught,
shamed, blamed for society’s ills
until passion speaks to our hearts
then knowing the part we must play
we narrate our queer stories
letting the lunar goddess
take us where she will
as daughters of sappho
meanwhile still waters
look deceptively quiet
as hormones run riot
two lipsticks blend as one.

Belle Of The Ball

There is no escaping the fact that I’ve been inspired by LGBTQ History Month, so inspired in fact that I’ve written this poem on topic of dancing especially to commerorate the event. I’ve deliberatly written it from the point of view of two mature women one of whom may be a transwoman, becoming romantically involved after meeting at a dancing class. I’ve given it the title Belle Of The Ball I hope you enjoy the read.

Belle Of The Ball

my partner birls me round the floor
I’m feeling apprehensive
she told me relax
as she takes me in hand
and whispers something io
says she knew that I was just the right type
she would teach the steps and the twirls
from that moment on
I gave her my trust
I knew she liked dancing with girls

Of course she’d been married
for most of her life
the respectable types
always are
she knew she liked women
she had since her teens
though she thought it a step too far
as she taught me to waltz
as a women should do
and to tango the
Argentine way
we kissed under stars
and got in to the grove
our desires had come to play

she told me her daughters encouraged her
to take up dancing lessons
the youngest one said she should talk to the priest
and maybe start going to confession
it’s just in case you meet a man
who gets you all excited
or maybe do what Katie did
like kiss a girl and like it.

my dancing partner smiled at the thought
as her youngest daughter blushed
I’ll just see how it goes she said
and enjoy some fun filled lust
her daughters thought that we were friends
until they saw us kiss
in ways that only women know
we shared some midnight bliss

She told them all it’s my time now
it’s time to take a chance
your dad would be so proud of the fact
I taught this girl to dance
he knew I had my tendencies
and the passions I kept at bay
he said that I should dance with girls
if that was nature’s way

As its if he was giving his blessing
she told me as we danced
she’d waited all her life for this
we had to take the chance
a woman knows what a woman knows
and she knew what to say
I felt like the belle of The ball that night
and we danced to the break of the day

Teas And Coffees

As it’s LGBTQ History Month. I’ve written this poem on a true story of the kindness I received from an unlikely source. I’ve titled Teas And Coffees I hope you enjoy the read.

Teas And Coffees

I was told by a well meaning friend of the family
not to concern myself with girls
I was she said more likely to end up as one
than ever be kissed by any
how my mother’s pal discovered
a secret I tried to hide
was something she shared with me
later
it was she claimed the way I looked at them
and the way I looked at boys
nature made your choice
and there is nothing you can do
to change it
so you might as well embrace it
she whispered
while my mum was in the kitchen
making teas and coffees
you need to be honest with the world
and with yourself
as she handed me a parcel containing a bra, two packs of tights
a few pairs of pink frilly knickers
you’ll be needing these she claimed
saying I know you’re not gay
you’re far too ladylike for that.

Pioneer

In this poem I celebrate the life of April Ashley. April for those who don’t know, made history by becoming the first person to ever undergo gender reassignment surgery. I’ve given it the title Pioneer, I hope you enjoy the read

Pioneer

You paved the way
for girls like me
to be women
your name of choice
selected to illustrate
the transformative change
which takes place when winter winds retreat
to be replaced by the first days of spring.

you were a woman
who wasn’t allowed to be a girl
because of the times you grew up in
a child of the inter war years
people feared those like you
a pioneer who wanted just to be herself .

after your operation
you married well
mixed in influential circles
yet those who sought wealth and power
cut the root from your life
declaring you were never a wife
nor were you legally wed
because of what your birth certificate said
misgendering you as they did it
not understanding
you were a pioneer
who accepted no limits
that others would rigidly impose on your desires
they couldn’t extinguish your fire

you made liars of hypocrites
you knew
who walked the highest of society’s corridors
and lived in places where gold cards met golden gates
to create a fortress
for those who could afford it
try as you might
you couldn’t ignore the map that nature had planned

though it was Caroline who would bring me
to an understanding of myself
through her I would learn of you see
the pioneer who sought to change the world
who chose the name April
to illustrate
that you could be
the change you wanted to be in the world
and made it a safer place for girls like me to blossom into ourselves

Testing The Waters

In this poem I look at the idea of online dating from an older transwoman’s perspective and show why it might be a better choice than you may at first believe It’s titled Testing The Waters, I hope you enjoy the read

Testing The Waters

I was never a fan of internet dating
but this one was different
we chatted for hours
without hearts and flowers being mentioned
though suggestions of sex
we’re hinted at right from the start of our chat
well at our age we can’t afford to hold back
and he danced round my heart
with well chosen words
to tempt me in to his arms
we know we are no spring chickens
but that’s what makes this long distance lust
so attractive
he knows what buttons to press
and while I’m too old for a white wedding dress
I’m not past wearing white tights , with a navy skirt
and a corset to hide my bulges
and give me a fuller figure
we may nearing the winter of our years
but there could yet be
time to gather in a harvest
ripe for the picking
before the last snow of
the season
falls to cover the ground
we will return to when ashes are scattered
meanwhile in two different lands
we type phrases in which daises are never mentioned
and I blush at thoughts of my secret other
who will be the virtual lover for now
till the days when the music changes mood
and testing the waters
we can see if our ships have finally docked
and settled on the Foyle or the Clyde
or whether they will pass in the night
never knowing what might have been
had we landed to kiss on the shore of a stranger.

Night Owl

In this my first poem of 2022, I look at the potential for romance for older transwomen or as I prefer to call us transwomen of a certain age. I was inspired to write it after a chat with Ailie Wallace after enjoying a recent flirtation with a friend that made me examine society’s attitudes to sex and older people. It’s titled Night Owl . I hope you enjoy the read.

Night Owl

She knows the magic of the night
the time when stars dance around the moon
like women do round our handbags
dressed in her finest gladrags
she applies her make up
the perfect finishing touch
for a woman who accepts the fact she is no spring chicken
nor is the partner she’ll be dating
but is claiming this time as her time
to do as she wishes
she may shock a few onlookers
as she goes to venues
where women of her generation
are too often afraid to venture
let alone be seen on the dancefloor
she is not content to leave such pleasures to the young
women of her age deserve to have fun
and she intends to do just that
the night owl in her mini skirt
defying the rules of age
she had been taught to be obedient
and saying yes to embracing the chance
denied her in her teenage years
as stars dance round the moon
in the arms of her lover she discoveres
why the young ones say they never feel the cold

Stirrings

In this poem which I’ve titled Stirrings I look at how the teenage trans girl of the mid to late 70’s learned from the music of the original disco queen Donna Summer that even trans girls can be bisexual and how I managed to embrace this side of myself without ever revealing it to anyone. I hope you enjoy the read.

Stirrings

It was Donna Summer who confirmed
my attraction to women
I knew had stirrings
Since the day I looked at Marie
as well as her brother
You know from America’s first musical family
I was at what my mother called a dangerous age
Questioning my sexuality was according to her logic
The kind of thing movie stars got paid to do
But it wasn’t real life Hollywood wives she said
Had far too much fun and got way too much sex
Without having to face the responsibility
Of the women and girls she knew
If she thought that society shared her view
On these topics boy was she in for a shock
The truth is I was ready to rock her world
To its very foundations
I experienced tingling sensations
Beyond both her imaginations and comprehension
I was open to suggestions and invitations from all
I would answer nature’s call
In whatever way it called me
I fancied Donny And Marie but it wasn’t till Donna came along
I knew I felt love for them both and realised
How unkind some choices can be.

Thunder Clouds

In this poem for National Coming Out Day I relate the story of knowing I didn’t fit in to the gender box society had selected for me before my age even reached double digits and being smart enough to know what to say and what not to say in those socially conservative times. I also suggest the knowledge gained in my pre teen years may have made my teenage years a lot safer and easier to navigate than may otherwise have been the case. I’ve given it the title Thunder Clouds due to the nature of my Presbyterian upbringing in the Scotland of the 1970’s I hope you enjoy the read.

Thunder Clouds

Long before the Osmonds I knew
though there was a difference
between knowing and saying .
in those days you didn’t tell the world
you wanted to be a girl.
Imagine what the neighbours would say
let alone your friends in school
it wasn’t cool to come out
or be proud of who you were
at such a young age
god help you if you said it out loud
you would either be patronised
and told it was just a phase
or warned that thunder clouds would strike you down
for the shame you would bring on the family
sexuality was never discussed
except to mock those perceived as different
and anyway you were assumed to be innocent
till at least your high school years
the days when fears plagued your teens
concerned that you’d be found out
and somehow they would know
by the way you looked
or the jokes you never told
now older and wiser you realise
there was a difference between knowing and saying
and they were only acting the roles
for which they had been conditioned
the parts society had auditioned them to play
you forgave them their sins
on the night you came out as a woman
on behalf of the girl they had never met
or never thought they had
the girl you knew you were
long before the Osmonds
and every day there after.