Friendships – Skirtingroundmylife

Daughter Of Venus

This poem comes with a trigger warning as it contains adult content. It was inspired by the theme of sex in the time of lockdown and makes explicit reference to use of sex toys. If you wish to continue reading it, which I hope you do you will find it’s been sprinkled with liberal dozes of humour. I’ve given it the title Daughter Of Venus, I hope you enjoy the read.

Daughter Of Venus

As a transwoman of a certain age
an age when most women
are told to give up on sex
the phrase go and fuck yourself
has never been more welcome
than it is now
in these times of self isolation.
I’ve learned things
about masturbation for women like me
which makes my lingerie
wetter than the Amazon in rainy season
my vibrator gives me
reason to smile
bringing out the inner teenager
I was denied the right to be
at the time when I should have been
at my most adventurous
and now I’ll be opened to a lot more suggestions
than was ever the case in my twenties
I’m putting the sex into sexy
and valuing myself
by taking some me time
some wet lingerie time
at least three times a week
and now when we come out of this lockdown
I’ll be ready to be muffed stuffed and fingered
till my eyes water
I’m a Daughter of Venus
who by the time we escape from quarantine
will need some real action
as good though it is
self satisfaction has limits
as do my vibrators batteries

Pre Season Dreams (For Glasgow City)

As the 2020 Women’s football season prepares to kick off. This poem is written in a voice of a player on attending their first training session after the winter break. Though I’ve written it in a way which could apply to any team, it’s probably easy to see that it’s really Glasgow City, I’m talking about, as the player expresses their hopes for the coming season. I’ve titled it Pre Season Dreams I hope you enjoy the read.

Pre Season Dreams

It’s good to be back in training
though some are complaining
about the weather
it’s nice to see the girls
have a blether about the festive season
and what we got from Santa
some of the banter is shocking
and certain players just can’t stop talking
about their new year health and fitness routines
eventually we share pre season dreams
staying injury free is on most of our lists
maybe a Scotland call up for the younger players
or a first team jersey for our development girls
the boss asks if we’re ready to take on the world
and she who shall remain nameless
says of course
without thinking twice
the rest of us smile and think.
the cold air has gone to her head
was she fed too much turkey
for Christmas dinner
we talk to the young team
about what makes a winner
explain that the A game
means ability and attitude
platitudes in the press are all very well
but the road to hell is paved
with yesterday’s fish and chip wrappers
that once sang your praises
to those who bothered to read
reports of our games
fame doesn’t come easy
even if your going for a treble
or 14th successive title
we know how vital team spirit will be
to get us over the line
on days when we think
nothing will ever go right
or big European nights
when going the extra mile
will definitely be required
but as soon we start
our first session back we realise
the desire is still there
the hunger is still there
the unbreakable bond is still there
which is why we are here
on a freezing cold night
training under the floodlights
as we plan for the season ahead
and how to fulfill the pre season dreams
we share when we pull on that jersey.

Facemask

On this day 10 years ago I made the decision to finally face the future and start living permanently as a woman. This was a decision which changed my life irreversibly for the better as I felt I could finally show the world who I really am rather than hide behind a mask of social pretence in the name of keeping up appearances. It is for this reason I’ve given it the title Facemask. I hope you enjoy the read.

Picture. I pose for a picture at the Scottish Poetry Library this summer which shows me happy and contentedand its far cry from the pre transition days when I wouldn’t be seen anywhere near a camera.

Facemask

There comes a time
when standing still
is no longer an option
a time when we have to take risks
make the big decisions
no matter how difficult or challenging
even if others find them embarrassing
colleges , friends, family,
our gender identity or our sexuality
is our business.
we are only coming out because we must
conformity is a path afforded to others
many of whom have secrets
only the darkness will see
I speak my truth and say
I used to always place my needs
second to the feelings of others
conditioned to think that being discovered in a dress
would lead me to be shamed,
blamed, for not being what my elders thought I should.
now I realise my mistakes
I faked interests like some women fake orgasms
you know to keep others happy
whilst locking my feelings behind closed doors.
a problem ignored is not a problem halved
it’s a problem doubled
it could leave you with troubles
which never go away
till you reach a place of contentment
win the war against selfish resentment
admit to yourself you are happy
before gradually evolving to show your true self
your emotional health better than ever before
no longer haunted by secrets and lies
you abandon the camouflage of disguise
a woman now, you no longer need a facemask

Minefield

In this poem I look I look at the period covering my pre to early teens when I suddenly realised I may be slightly different from who society perceived to be and relate the story of how I navigated my way these challenging times. I’ve the poem Minefield I hope you enjoy the read

Minefield

Knowing myself I knew

I was different to others at school

I didn’t conform to gender rules

but in crueller days

I played the game the traditional way

and went to war with myself

practicing resistance and suppression

of all my natural desires

no matter how hard I tried to pretend

the heart is never a liar

threats of being sent to the bad fire

somehow failed to impress me

as a Church of Scotland child

I felt the pain of eternity

I had no confession to unload my burden

no chance of absolution

just confusion as to why

I didn’t fit the picture

taunts of sissy my everyday reality

from boys at school

it was hard if the barbs came

from someone I liked or had a crush on

but if they were ugly I coped better

boys in home knitted sweaters

were never my type

though to be truthful

intellect mattered more to me than looks

a studious type my head was always in books

so I liked boys who had a willingness to learn

and knew how to keep secrets

my teens were a minefield of celebrities and local heroes

who played football in the park

till the stars were used as floodlights

but I never told any of the ones I liked

in case I got a split lip for my sins

sometimes we accept there are games we can’t win

and I knew the pain of defeat

in the years when if you believe the stories

men were men, women were grateful

and nobody cared about equality

far less respected people’s right to be themselves

times have changed since those days

when my mother who never went to church

insisted we watched songs of praise

and last of the summer wine

where we learned nothing

but hymns we would soon forget

and what life would be like when we’re old

this was the vision I was sold

whilst being told

to be content in the knowledge

that things will never change that much

I only listened to the good bits of her story

my editing skills learned early

as I selected what I thought was worthy advice

preferring to listen to the words

of god and a gran who could show me

socialism in scripture

and teach me how to set it

in a very personal context

as I learned life lessons

and declared a truce with my heart

I admitted my truth to the world

which ended the war with myself

Coming Out

As yesterday was National Coming Out Day I’ve written a new poem entitled coming out to show why being open about our LGBT identity to those we know helps them to understand that though we are some way different from our straight friends and neighbours we aren’t different as they might think and still have the same interests as we’ve always had. So I would like to think that having an LGBT friend and family member needn’t be as scary as you think. I hope you enjoy the read.

Coming Out

It happens quietly

and in stages

a gradual progression

until you feel able to say

I’m me and I’m LGBT

but the first person you need to admit it to

has to be yourself

it’s about your mental health

your emotional well being

as you see the bigger picture

and your part in it

limits set by others no longer apply

I speak as a transwoman who spent too long

considering the opinions of others

only to eventually discover

the truth of the saying

that those who matter don’t mind

and those who mind don’t matter

I remember the realisation of knowing

what had to be done and gradually taking the steps to do it

it may feel like a minefield

but you will get through it

as it dawns on you that for the first year or two

it never seems to stop

as you tell your truth to family

friends, neighbours, the woman in the local shop

you talk about why you need to do it

it’s not about ramming anything down people’s throats

it’s making the most of the life you’ve got

a departure lounge from closets and fear

it’s a scary process but you’ll do it

by being you and showing the world

you haven’t really changed

initially it feels strange for yourself and others

but as you gradually discover who you are

and who you’ve always been

the nightmares give way to dreams

of wine as yet untasted

better to be happy than live a wasted life

I remember being at school

and playing the farmer wants a wife

longing for the day that would never be allowed

when I’d be picked as the wife

well now that day has dawned

and instead of being treated with scorn

I can finally be me

I can say I am LGBT

I am a transwoman

I am the same as I’ve always been

the only difference is I can finally speak my truth

and say why words we no longer use

hurt as much as they did growing up

in darker days than now

and why coming out matters to us all

All About The Ceili (A Poem For St Rochs Ceili Band)

Along with thousands of others I gathered in Merchant Square on Saturday afternoon for the traditional St Patrick’s Day family fun event. Whilst like many Glasweigans my Irish heritage is like my Western Isles bloodline a wee bit diluted these days it is nonetheless still a part of me and I believe deserves to be celebrated. One of my favourite parts of the day is the set from the St Rochs Ceili Band and it’s not just about the music. You see long ago and in darker days than now St Rochs Ceili Band played at a LGBT Ceili when other bands may have been more reluctant to do so. This Ceili had huge personal significance for me as it was the first time I had attended any event outside my comfort zone. Understandably I was nervous on what for me was a very personal occasion so the confidence boost I received from one of younger female band members didn’t go unnoticed and I have kept her words to close to my heart ever since and that’s why I had to write this poem because on St Patrick’s Day it really is all about the ceili and it really is all about the Roch. It is for this reason I have given this poem which has been proof read by two members of the band Danny Boyle, And Paddy Callaghan, the title All About The Ceili , I hope you enjoy the read.

All About The Ceili

It’s the ceili it’s all about the ceili

the party, the craic, and the loyalty of friends

it’s not about the faith or even the colours

on the road to discovering myself

it was all about the ceili.

It’s all about the Roch, it really is all about Roch

and the night they played for us in 2006

It was a big occasion in my life

wounds which cut like knives

healed on the night the world would see me

take my first steps as the woman I knew myself to be

it really is all about the Roch

Nervously I seized my chance

I had decided on a little black dress

to make my debut outside the usual spaces

as I headed for the venue

I felt sunshine decorate the early evening clouds

I had pride in myself but not in my ability to dance

nervously I seized my chance

On finding the bar I got my first drink

Men in kilts made my face turn pink

blushing to hide my fears and concerns

with two left feet but was willing to learn

the steps I had all but forgotton

on the finding the bar I got my first drink

In days when hatred was the norm

people like me still treated with scorn

the Roch played on till the sun finally set

On a night to remember and never forget

in the days when hatred was the norm

Memories were made on that Friday night

as initial worries disappeared

and a young member of the band

told me to wear my confidence

like I was wearing my dress

a line long remembered

that I never had the chance to thank her for

memories were made on that Friday night

and have been ever since

which is why on St Patrick’s day

for me at least it really is

All about the ceili.

This picture shows some of the current members of St Rochs Ceili Band playing at the St Patrick’s Family Fun Day in the Merchant Square on Saturday 17th March 2018.

NB : I think I can say with certainty that those in this photograph would be in the junior section of the band in 2006.

The Last Irn Bru

In my latest post I share my thoughts on what it’s like to walk through the city centre on your own at the end of a spoken word night. As a middle aged transwoman I have a sense of vulnerability in certain situations and I hope I managed to convey that in this poem which I’ve titled The Last Irn Bru . I hope you enjoy the read.
The Last Irn Bru

At the end of the night

I leave the comfort of the bar

having made friends and memories

I use the stars as my map

as I to walk towards the city centre

despite this being an area I know well

I feel a vulnerability I hadn’t felt before

I can’t ignore shouts into the silence

which puncture the evening air

though they are not aimed at me

I sense on another night they could be

there is danger when a woman walks alone

with battery low on my mobile phone

my pace quickens to avoid the hazzards of desperate drunks

looking for sex when Ann Summers is shut

and blow up dolls are not an option

this is the Scotland of the night

an imagined land of shady characters

who are never mentioned in polite conversations

this is where crime writers draw inspiration

for future novels and adventures

this is the place where no surrender

is written on walls of discarded premises

by bloodstains or by knives

this is the time of night

where every crossing is a step closer to civilsation

and the nicer safer world of rainbows and dancing

they’ll be no prince charming tonight

he can wait to be found some other time

meanwhile I go to a pub where I see familar faces

just in time for one drink

and the last Irn Bru of the evening

has never tasted sweeter

Speaking Out

On Friday night I had the privilege of being one of the billed readers at a women in poetry event as part of Express Yourself which was celebrating its first birthday. This event which is hosted by my friend Carla Woodburn has become a regular part of my spoken word calender and is always a highly enjoyable evening but this one in particular was one in which I was delighted to take part in. Speaking from a personal perspective as a transwoman I always value the friendship and support of women poets and am often at my most relaxed in female company as we share the kind of bonding that you seldom see between males. It is for that reason among others that I have to write this poem , which after consulting with my fellow poet Deborah Martin who also performed on Friday, I have decided to title Speaking Out as that was what we had the freedom to do in way denied to previous generations of women and I’m talking more recently than I would ever like to think. I hope you enjoy the read.

This picture shows me on stage at the Express Yourself event celebrating women in poetry)

Speaking Out

In Glasgow city centre
20 female poets expressed ourselves with honesty
on topics from equality to mental health
as we enjoyed coffee, cake, and company
our words spoke of journies
only a few would have dared to make
in the dark days of the 1980’s
when I began to take my first tentative steps
in this, my chosen art
some of the younger ones had their worlds ripped apart
as a well respected poet told
of times when our voices were ignored
doors to progress left unopened
as even the thought of women poets
would be mocked by those
afraid we would burst the bubble of this perceived male only preseve
thankfully we are less reserved than we were a few decades ago
now our words are crafted
shaped in to stories
which talk about everything from sex
to why we hate the Tories
we will use humour men may not comprehend
share untold tales of friendship, family, politics, and sexuality
as we write our words our way

straight, gay, trans we are the equal of any man
and will speak out on female issues
from breast feeding to body confidence
to getting involved in politics and campaigns
or how it felt to kiss our partners as raindrops fell on our faces
we will speak of the places we’ve seen
and those we want to visit
there is no limit to what we can say on nights like these
we are free to express ourselves
in ways denied to previous generations
it is those women who are our inspiration
to take the stage and make the most of chances
not given to those who followed the suffragettes

Toasted Soldiers

It may be due to the circles I move in or the fact I enjoy the company of women but for whatever reason I have a large number of lesbian friends and I’m shocked at the negative stereotypes which still exist about them and how they live their lives.(If you believe the tabloid press) It was with this is mind I decided to challenge these assumptions and celebrate the ordinarieness of most lesbian lives by writing this poem which is partly based on a story a friend told me not long after I came out as a trans woman though thankfully she did allow me some poetic liecence. I’ve given it the title Toasted Soldiers I hope you enjoy the read.

Toasted Soldiers

Dancing without fear

she is happy to be seen

on the scene in her favourite bar

she will hear no talk of flashy cars

from boys with oversized wallets

and even bigger imaginations

city suits don’t impress her

talented and clever all she wants to do

is dance with her friends

there is no need for pretence

as she moves in for the kiss

there is no prince charming

nor will there ever be

take the hint guys she’s gay

a princess will suit her fine

like the one she’ll kiss tonight

and again in the morning

the one who without warning stole her heart

taking her on a journey to a land of golden tomorrows

the one who knows that she believes

mini skirts should only be worn indoors

and gently teases her across the breakfast table

about dipping toasted soldiers in her egg

The Fiercest Of Women Are The Fiercest Of Friends.

Dateline Friday 5th August 2016

Venue The Scottish Poetry Library

Event Women With Fierce Words.

Now one year on from this groundbreaking event we are soon to celebrate the magic of it with the publication of a collection of poems performed on the day. This is thanks to the force of nature that is Lesley Traynor who organised the day in conjunction with the incoming director of the Scottish Poetry Library Asif Khan.

This is a fitting testament to the success of what was supposed to be a one off poetry project which has evolved in to something much bigger and friendships were formed the sunshine of that early August afternoon which have grown in strength and sisterhood. In fact, if truth be told we have bonded so tightly as friends we’ve actually turned in to a tribe.

In this group of women of all ages, backgrounds, and talents I have found a brilliant network of friends and who have provided me with both encouragement and support as and when required and hopefully I have reciprocated those gifts when my friends have needed them.

Looking back on the events of the past year I have shared both good times and bad with this incredible, and talented collection of women who continue to motivate and inspire me to be the best I can be in all I try to do and show the world that the fiercest of women can be the fiercest of friends.

Till next time

Gayle X