In this poem I look at Eddie Izzard’s recent decision to come out as gender fluid and her desire to use female pronouns. Whilst being supportive of Ms Izzard’s right to identify as she wishes I am tired of having to explain to people that as a transwoman I’m nothing like her and never will be. To me there is no such thing as girl mode because that implies to me that if girl mode gets too challenging they can always change back to boy mode and retain their male privilege. I really am less than pleased that I have to explain that this is me 24/ 7 and I don’t swap between the two genders whenever I decide I need a chance of an easier life. To me I am who I am for better or worse and it’s for this reason I’ve titled it Girl Mode I think you’ll find it an interesting read.
Girl Mode
You can’t switch it off
and then turn it on
like a tap
there’s more to transitioning than that
though some may be content
to be a woman at weekends
it could never be me
my life is not a trend
or the latest fashion accessory
it’s who I am
who I always was
who I was meant to be
I’ve known this since before I reached my teens
my dreams were woman’s dreams
though I couldn’t risk coming out
in days when it wasn’t safe
to walk the streets
and there was always fear of attack
you were always looking back
for shadows stalking your path
laughter and taunts haunting your heart
in the silent darkness of night
or the clear cold light of morning
I endured name calling
and years of self doubt
before I was allowed to be proud of myself
this is about emotional health
It’s not boob envy
or playing gender swap
in a shop where you can purchase
new identies by the day
this is real
it’s not about the roles we play
there is no such thing as girl mode
© Gayle Smith 2021
Skirtingroundmylife 