As yesterday was national coming out day I wrote this poem to commemorate it. It’s written in conversational style as I relate my story as to why I came out much later than I’d have liked. I’ve titled it In Case Your Aunties Blushed I hope you enjoy the read
In Case Your Aunties Blushed
How did you say it ?
I couldn’t find the words to explain
I wasn’t playing a game of dress up
that the women they saw before them
is who I have always been
and will always be
and when teenage boys looked
at scanty clad models on page three
of certain tabloid papers
I never indulged on those kind of capers
and was more interested in the lingerie
than leering at their bust
I had myself sussed from a very young age
wrote secrets in the pages of notebooks
using coded language in diaries
panicking when weight gain
meant going up a size in clothes
remembering the time nobody noticed
when I walked past my mum
and her friends in the city centre
counting it as the first real success
cherishing favourite dresses and accessories like prized jewels
and mourning the day they no longer zipped
or sat with comfort on hips
which had now expanded as I began to take my shape
how anyone could call this a phase or mistake
only showed how little they knew
of the real me rather than the image
of what they thought I should be
so how did you find words to tell them this is me
I can never be a son
when I was meant be a daughter
and can no longer lie to myself
did you explain your mental health
would improve beyond recognition
I tried but it was harder to be out in the 70’s
and conversations like this didn’t take place
closets were safe till attitudes changed
and this happened gradually
sex and sexuality were seldom discussed
in polite conversations with family
in case your auntie blushed
society didn’t know my aunties
but some of them knew me
better than I thought and had the kind of talk
my mother tried to avoid
opening doors she’d prefer had stayed locked
as they showed me a glimpse
of my future reality
when they saw me browsing
the women’s fashion in the catalogue
© Gayle Smith 2020
Skirtingroundmylife 