Fairytales – Skirtingroundmylife

As this is bisexual awareness month I thought I would attempt to tackle some of the myths around the topic in my latest poem which I’ve titled Love Without Labels. Being bisexual myself I know the challenges faced by me and others like me. Thanks to stereotypes from wider society which are reinforced by a press and media who sees us greedy promiscuous and sex mad we are labelled often without any justification. The truth is that bisexuality is about who you’re attracted to and not who you sleep with. In fact some bisexual people go through their whole lives without having a relationship or even a one night stand with anyone of the same sex though they may always be attracted to them. I hope you enjoy what I think will be a thought provoking read.

Love Without Labels

Being bisexual means
you have
the double the chance of romance
or alternatively
double the potential
for heartbreak
on Valentine’s day
or the high school dance
you will be asked
if you’re into threesomes
or who you prefer
between men or women
and which sex are better at turning you on
and the questioners
being genuinely shocked
when you reply it depends how I feel at the time
and what I need to be fulfilled
as a bisexual transwoman
I like both guys and girls
it really is about
the individual
rather than the parts
they may or may not have
you don’t even need act on your desires
it’s all about attraction
that and nothing else
it’s about knowing yourself
who you like
and why you like them
it’s about excitement and honesty
not forgetting equal choices
and rights
it’s being who you want to be
and loving who you love
without prejudice or labels
and being able to accept yourself
for who you really are
rather than fitting in to binary boxes
society designed
when they didn’t have you in mind
so you can ask what celebrities I like
and I’ll admit to Jon Bon Jovi Jimmy Conners and Donny Osmond
but I won’t lie and say I don’t fancy Madonna
of course I do
along with a few other women whose names may surprise you
if I ever decided to say
but I don’t play that game
there are some things
a woman never shares
and that kind of detail
is something I’m sure you can leave
to your imagination
to inspire whatever thoughts you have
and we don’t need to know
I am not willing to
cross
lines that should never be crossed
what I am or who I kiss in bars
nightclubs or underneath the stars
should be no concern of yours
or of anyone else
I am not selfish
I am just being me
an individual with choices to make
and that is why
I am bisexual
I had options
based on attraction and personality
my sexuality is nobody else’s business
but mine
but I have double the chances
of mistletoe kisses
at Christmas time
and double the chances
of heartbreak
at weekends
when potential leading men meet potential leading ladies
and I who wanted both Scott and Charlene
in Kylie and Jason’s soapland fairytale
end up with neither bride nor groom

In recent years I have seen many people writing letters to their younger selves. This is usually in connection with issues around either LGBT or Mental Health. As a transwoman of what some folk would call a mature vintage this got me thinking what advice would I have given to my younger trans self, and would the girl at 11 who had Donny Osmond posters on her bedroom wall and throughout her teens kept secret stashes of Jackie magazines under her bed have listened or would she have been too busy dreaming to pay attention to my words of so-called wisdom. In truth this is a question I can’t answer but I thought I would try to undertake the task by writing a poem on the issue I’ve given it the title A Letter To My Younger Self On Arriving Over The Rainbow. I hope you enjoy the read.

A Letter To My Younger Self On Arriving Over The Rainbow

Dear Younger Gayle
I remember the first time you got your hair curled
how happy you were to be treated like a girl
I recall the first boy who made you blush
You had a massive crush on him
and never really got over him
moving to London
at least not for a while
till Donny made you smile
and desperate to be his girl
you raided your mother’s wardrobe
seeking something you could find to wear
which would make you feel
like a fairytale princess
though you never found anything that exciting
navy pinafores and tan tights
were never that inviting
though they did make you feel ladylike
and that was all you wanted at the time
If I could have given you advice
It would be that being trans is not a crime
In fact it was you being true to yourself
it was good for your mental health
It saved your life
though I think you should have been bolder
more daring
taken those risks
see that guy you wanted to kiss
you should have grabbed the chance
when he asked you dance
he would have been a good boyfriend
at least at the start
yes eventually he would have broken your heart
but you would have recovered in time
though a month would have seemed like an eternity
I think you would have gone to university sooner than you did
got a better degree
your graduation dress
would have sat on the knee
well you always were a bit too puritan
culturally conservative with a small c
cautious yet you will become politically radical
you will be told you are being selfish
when the opposite is true
your teenage years are claustrophobic
the 1970’s had such a narrow view of rights and wrongs
girls were told a woman’s place is in the home
you will realise this is unfair
you will care about what others think and say
In the Scotland of your teens
you will learn it isn’t even acceptable to be gay
let alone want to change gender
you will be called inappropriate names like queer and bender
by those who refuse to understand
talking of names one of the benefits of being trans
is you get to choose your own
and the choice you made was not based on a character in a TV show
but on the fact you know and cherish your Celtic culture
and identity
you will be the type of woman
who wants to blend in
rather than stand out
you will never shout look at me
it is not who you were, are or will ever be
only those who really matter
will see your adventurous side
this is not because you want to hide it
rather it is due to your belief
that some things are best kept private
between those who share those moments of tenderness
you will be hurt by those who label you a disgrace
but by being yourself
you will be making the world a better place
so girls and trans girls of tomorrow’s generation
will be able to hold their heads high
reach the stars and touch the sky
as for me the middle aged mother hen I’ve become
is all due to the social conservatism of Scotland and mum
that’s why you didn’t come out till your late forties
a time when you were
less concerned about what was on trend
than supporting friends
you will be ruled by your emotions
you always talked of butterflies and oceans
a nurturing nature your strongest skirt suit
If I could I would have
advised you to stay true to your roots
and ground them in sisterhood
but you did it anyway
mothering the daughters you couldn’t have
I am glad I made the visit
though my time has limits
I must return to your future
but I travelled to your time
to tell you all will be fine
and a family of friends
will love you more than you know
be happy with the woman you will be
I am happy to be me
and proud that despite
not having sisters
you dressed me in tan tights and pinafores
as you started my journey
to glory

Lots Of Love Your Future Self