Lilac

On bisexual visibility day this poem looks at the issues around being a bisexual transwoman of a certain age. I’ve given it the title Lilac as that lies somewhere between the traditional masculine and feminine sterotypes of blue for a boy and pink for a girl. I hope you enjoy the read.

Lilac

I fall in love with someone
based on shared interests
their sparkling wit and repartee
I don’t care what they wear
or what they use to pee
I love that they are free spirits
who know my limits and respect them
I know my desires and won’t repress them
I will kiss woman in mini skirts and men in suits
and sometimes the other way round
I am grounded in my sexuality
it is not yours to debate
I have no time to hate
or to be bound by rigid rules
which draw straight lines only
I will not be isolated in the lost lands of lonlieness
preferring to maximise my chances to dance, drink , and fuck
in the lottery of lust
trust is important
even if it’s a one night stand
with women I’m submissive
with men I take command
as a trans woman of a certain age
I realise some will be shocked at what I say
that is their problem not mine
I can’t rewind the clock
to go back in time
nor can I turn water in to wine
but sex doesn’t stop when we reach 40
and why should it
older people do it and more often than you think
are you blushing bright pink at the thought
I hope not, one day you will be that older person
and believe me you’ll still be open to suggestions
I’ll tell you something I’ve learned
since coming out as trans
is that no man will stop making advances
just because he’s getting older
I think it actually makes them bolder
trust me I should know I’ve had lots of offers
and not one of them has come from a guy under 65
that’s the time when staying alive
becomes more than just a song
now I might be wrong
but it feels like I’m the pensioners pin up girl
being bi , trans , and mature
means some may feel inhibited and insecure
when I tell them my carnal desires
they may think I’m ever so slightly mad
as for women the requests I’ve had
for my company
have come from a younger demographic
flirty forty somethings with a few in their thirties
usually lipstick loving types who dare to be daring
that said if or should I say when I start dating
it will be in a monogamous relationship
what’s under their pants won’t matter
as long as they treat like the princess I was born to be
it matters not about gender or age
as long as they put me centre stage
in all they do
pink and blue can blend in to lilac
and we can get on with what nature intended
savouring delights of recipes made for two
and setting jewels in hearts be treasured
by the ones who shared the feast

© Gayle Smith 2019