The Night That Changed Me

It’s hard to believe it’s nine years since the night that changed my life but it is. Friday 19th of December 2008 was the night when I finally started living as the woman I was born to be and though it hasn’t always been plain sailing I hope I have faced every challenge and dealt with them honestly. To celebrate what I now call my transition day I have written this poem entitled The Night That Changed Me. I hope you enjoy the read.

The Night That Changed Me

This was the night that changed me

the night when I finally decided

to be myself

look after my mental health

say goodbye to a life of lies half truths and excuses

to suit the needs of others

this was the night I discovered

the power of being me

I remember thinking how normal it all felt

how right if you want to put that way

knowing there was no turning back

made me feel relaxed

and able to fend off the inevitable questions

that came as we tucked in to our meal

on our works night out

I was well prepared for the cat calls

the shouts from lager louts and neds

didn’t concern me in the slightest

let’s be honest I knew

their enlightenment was in no danger of arriving

before the twenty second comimg

this was the night when I am woman

took on a new meaning
and dreams long cherished

at last began the journey to becomming

my everyday reality

© Gayle Smith 2017

Girl Talk

With Christmas approaching this poem takes a walk down memory lane as  I travel back in time to 1974 and my first festive season as a teenager  and the big bad world of secondary school. As is often the case when I think of more than one title I put my selections to the vote and let my friends make the decision for me and that’s what I did on this occasion. Trust me this was no easy task, but eventually and after more recounts than marginal seats at a general election it was finally declared that Girl Talk will be the choice of my virtual constituency and I’m happy  with that choice. I hope you enjoy the read.

Girl Talk

1974, my first year at secondary school

I found it hard to fit in

especially that first Christmas 

I lusted after David Essex 

as my teenage years came calling

I can’t lie Les McKeown caught my eye 

and try as I might to deny it

at least one girl in my year knew my secret

swore she would keep it and did 

well she said she couldn’t have boys calling me fairy 

it wouldn’t be right

she teased me about lipstick

went with me to the shops

told me what tights to buy 

let me look at her copies of my guy

and made me blush by mentioning the guy I fancied

as he walked by in football shorts

saying it was girl talk

conveniently forgetting 

that though it might not be what I wanted

I had to at least try to be like them

though she knew I’d never make it

I learned early how to fake it 

a lesson in life which would prove important in later years 

meanwhile the fears of a 13 year old 

who couldn’t do boys stuff

were to some extent dealt with.

by a girl who knew the truth of a friend 

but didn’t know the words we use now

none of us did back then 

in days when it was a crime to be yourself 

and closets were a safe place to hide

© Gayle Smith 2017

Maggie’s Plague

On World Aids Day I wrote a poem about the hostility and hatred Aids victims faced when the disease was first recognised . Some people claimed Aids was a gay plague when it first appeared and that’s why there was an increase in homophobic hatred. Personally I blame Margaret Thatcher and her sanctimonious self righteous Conservative government for spreading a gospel of intolerance against the LGBT community which actively encouraged the promotion of hate against them. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I thought that gospels were supposed to teach people valuable life lessons and the only lesson I learned from the bible according to Maggie was one of internalised oppression which taught me to believe that I would never fit in to their version of society.  As a young transwoman who had just turned 20, being taught to fight against all my natural instincts left me with mental scares which are only now beginning to heal and that’s why I have titled this poem Maggie’s Plague. I hope you enjoy the read. 

Maggie’s Plague. 

Aids,  the gay plague 

hard to believe that’s what it was called on its discovery 

as attutudes turned ugly 

against the LGBT community 

Thatcher rooted the evil that was section 28 

in to our country’s laws 

among the ludicrous stories I heard 

were that gay people were a curse from god 

to rid the world of evil 

this homophobic hatred

justified by the by the government 

as being in the national interest 

on the grounds of public health

this promoted a climate of distrust even disgust 

at them and their deviant sexual practices  

which the government fostered 

with help from the press and media 

meanwhile a young Glasgweigan girl 

who had just turned 20

went to her room 

put on her tights and skirt 

knowing if she left the house like this

she would be treated like dirt

attacked or even killed 

because she wasn’t born a girl 

and realises like the gay friends

she will one day make 

she will have to fake an identity

not of her choice

as she hears the voice of internalised oppression 

speak in her darkness 

reminding her if people can’t accept gays

if they call them dehumanising names 

she should be grateful 

Maggie made her a closet 

to hide from the plauge she created 

© Gayle Smith 2017  

336 Lights Extinguished

On International Transgender Remembrance Day I’ve written this poem to commemorate those lives cut down by fear, ignorance, and transphobic hatred for which there is no simply no excuse. I’ve given it the title 336 Lights Extinguished as that’s the number of trans people whose lives have been lost through murder or suicide in the past year. I hope you find it a thought provoking read.

336 Lights Extinguished

336

that’s the number of trans people
of trans women and trans men

whose lives have been lost in the past 12 months

some freed themselves from the cruelty and hatred from others

but many more were murdered

in cold blood

for the crime of being themselves

since seizing the day

my mental health has improved

no longer afraid of obstacles

placed in my way by others

I have discovered the power of truth

I will not excuse transpbobic hate

I will speak out and advocate

on behalf of those with less power than me

I won’t their names be written

in crimson on the canvass of a clear blue sky

Instead I will remember them
the 336 innocents

I will remember the blood they shed

in their homes or in back lanes

I can only imagine their pain

as they drew that final breath

as death that most unwelcome of visitors

extinguished their light from a world

where they once walked among us

© Gayle Smith 2017

A Message From Nicola In Support Of Trans Rights And My Place In The SNP Family

Sometimes the posts on this blog will be so short that if they were skirts they’d be micro minis and sometimes they will be direct quotes from people most of whom will be women I’ve known over the years.

 This post is the first in that tradition and is a quote from First Minister Nicola Sturgeon  who when she was Health Minister and SNP Depute Leader  was not to pleased when I was challenged  by a gay man who told me I had to change back to my biological gender if was going to campaign for the SNP as in his words nobody would take me seriously as a woman. 

Understandably Nicola was furious on heating I had been insulted in this way and supported me with this gem of a quote 

‘ You will be judged on the strength of your character and not on the content of your wardrobe’.

A brilliant quote from a brilliant politician. Scotland is a lucky land to have such a caring compassionate First Minister.  

Till next time. 

Gayle X